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| node: | Re: 30.03.2014-16:50:20 |
| template: | 4 |
| parent: | 30.03.2014-16:50:20 |
| owner: | psycho |
| viewed by: | |
| created: | 30.03.2014 - 16:50:32 |
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cwbe coordinatez: 101 792011 1487439 7529481 7546310 7546311 ABSOLUT KYBERIA |
| permissions | |
| you: | r, |
| system: | public |
| net: | yes |
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total children::0
One can not actually love another if he feels he doesn't have a choice not to.
We are responsible TO each other, not FOR each other. Therefore, one should refuse to rescue or enable another's immature behavior.
If someone in your life is a rager, you should not dictate to him/her all the reasons that they can't be angry. A person should have the freedom to to protest the things they don't like. But at the same time, we can honor our own boundary by telling them, "Your raging at me is not acceptable to me. If you continue to rage, I will have to remove myself from you."
"You can NOT rage at me", or "You can NOT say cruel things to me." These aren't examples of boundaries, these are examples of a Non's effort to control someone else's behavior. A healthy boundary is, "When you rage at me, I feel threatened. I am going to leave (the room, the house, etc) until such time we can communicate calmly." The other person is free to rage to his/her heart's content, but you don't have to sit there and absorb all their anger and rage. If you are saying to yourself, "Why should I have to leave the room? They should have to stop raging!", you are looking at boundaries backwards.
We are responsible TO each other, not FOR each other. Therefore, one should refuse to rescue or enable another's immature behavior.
If someone in your life is a rager, you should not dictate to him/her all the reasons that they can't be angry. A person should have the freedom to to protest the things they don't like. But at the same time, we can honor our own boundary by telling them, "Your raging at me is not acceptable to me. If you continue to rage, I will have to remove myself from you."
"You can NOT rage at me", or "You can NOT say cruel things to me." These aren't examples of boundaries, these are examples of a Non's effort to control someone else's behavior. A healthy boundary is, "When you rage at me, I feel threatened. I am going to leave (the room, the house, etc) until such time we can communicate calmly." The other person is free to rage to his/her heart's content, but you don't have to sit there and absorb all their anger and rage. If you are saying to yourself, "Why should I have to leave the room? They should have to stop raging!", you are looking at boundaries backwards.