Ugly tear-ups, classic one-upmanship and plastic phalluses: why Dortmund vs Schalke is Germany's big one



Shortly before kick off on a chilly February afternoon in Germany’s Ruhr region, the players of Schalke 04 and Borussia Dortmund stand at the halfway line of the impressive Veltins Arena. Waving their arms in the direction of the two main stands to greet the sell-out crowd of 61,500 that have come out to watch Germany's most famous derby, it appears to be business as usual – until both sets of players turn to greet the fans behind the goals.

With a look mixing shock with bemusement, the players watch as the Dortmund fans raise a lengthy banner with the words ‘F*** You!’ repeated several times, a somewhat ungrateful message aimed at their hosts for the day. As a nice extra touch, the fans who haven't been asked to hoist the banner high into the air make their feelings known by waving hundreds of pink plastic penises aloft - phallus the size of those inflated bananas made popular on English terraces during the late 1980s. It’s hardly the most sophisticated piece of choreography, but the message is clear.

Turning to acknowledge the Schalke end, the message is a little more cerebral: a gigantic and elaborate picture of a brown leather football [think the 1960s] wearing a crown, beneath the caption: ‘Only he who honours his roots will achieve great things’. Around it, cartoon characters carry placards which read ‘Stop police despotism’, ‘Fans - not customers’ and ‘Lift the stadium bans’, more of which later.

The message from this end is clear: while it’s fine to wave your plastic cocks around, never lose sight of the real enemy; the police, FIFA, and the impending World Cup Finals.

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