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You don’t have to face your fear. Really.

FEAR: Arrrrrrgh! Crap! Everything is going horribly wrong! You screwed it all up!

Havi: Wow, you sound really upset and worried. I’m noticing that I’m really frightened right now when I think about the stuff you’re saying. It’s hard for me to concentrate when I’m so scared.

Okay, fear, I just want you to know that I know you’re there. I see you and I hear you and I feel you. And even though I hate it when you show up, and part of me wishes I could just kick you to the curb, I know that this is temporary and that you’re here for a reason.

So I’m just going to let you be here — just for now — and I’m not going to be impressed by all the stuff you say about me. I’m just going to try and have a conversation and figure out what useful information I need to get from you.

FEAR: God, you are such a stupid freaking hippie loser. Don’t even bother trying that stupid I-feel sentence crap on me. You know, you were way more fun when you were a drunk. Right now you suck.

Havi: You’re probably right. I was more fun. Listen, I get that you’re upset with me. I’m also sensing that you’re worried about me.
...

You’re not kicking yourself out of the comfort zone, you’re interacting with discomfort from a safe place.




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