Commander Lou Donnelly CPD: Since I figure cops are cops the world over, how do you Soviets deal with all the tension and stress?
Ivan Danko: Vodka.

Art Ridzik: What's that?
Ivan Danko: My watch. It's on Moscow time.
Art Ridzik: Time to pick up Pokey?
Ivan Danko: Time to feed parakeet.
Art Ridzik: What's that, Russian for "jerking off"?