Paris Hilton: American Royalty

Paris Hilton was recently quoted as saying "I'm the closest thing to American royalty." Wow, that's quite the statement. I'm sure Americans everywhere are brimming with pride as our royal highness Princess Paris shamelessly dangles and shimmies her unbearable dullness in a vapid lap dance for the world to see. According to our beloved, yet delusional Princess, royalty is characterized by shilling herself out to low grade hamburger chains, starring in a sex video, and babbling "that's hot" because she can't come up with anything else to say. Princess Paris claims she wants to "build an empire" with her "brand" and 14 predicts it will look a lot like Wal-Mart.

Paris's Hilton

WHY WHY WHY does Paris Hilton have the need to show the world her icky private parts? She spots the paparazzi and in no time flat, her dress is hiked up and we can see she doesn't wear undies. Riveting, no? I don't think I need to say more - this painting says it all. This illustration was featured on Perez Hilton's wonderfully catty and delicious website. If you love gossip, then you'll love Perez!