and.. when was the last time that i felt happy myself? - just a question that rose to my attention today (well, already yesterday, as a matter of fact) ..
not the 'i just got an A on my exam' type of happy that lasts 10minutes .. but a special type of happy, that doesn't include the 'important' things in life .. just one 'someone' ..

and to be honest - i don't know .. i'll ask myself again after some time - that was the first reaction that came to mind .. so to set it straight - it s been a while, and not a short one..

it's not looking for love that kills me - it's usually finding it..
cause as someone once said 'falling in love doesn't kill people - the landing does'--> hasn't killed me yet - but made me weaker nonetheless.. and made me forget who i am.. and all that for .. for what?

if you can't be sincere and open and if you can't be yourself it's not worth it.. and if it's sincerity and openness that causes the break-up .. then you should take it the way it is ..
and i SHOULD HAVE taken it the way it was.. it just hurt too much so i tried to hold on as much as i could, not realizing that i had made the mistake in the beginning.. it's ok if you change because of someone, if you adjust to their needs and wants, but it's bad if you assume that you have to do everything the way she likes and only then it'll be ok.. it most probably won't, trust me..
in any case, it just made her hate that part of me, for always being so nice and always trying to be helpful.. i even ended up feeling bad (?!) because of this.. and that's one feeling i don't wanna have for a long time from now on..

so - why not take chances? life will only be there for this short while and every second wasted is one that's not coming back..