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David DeAngelo - Double Your Dating

Tema:
Ako byt uspesny so zenami - od prveho oslovenia az po sex. Kniha sa venuje vylucne teme 'dating' (slovensky vyraz 'randenie' mi pride detinsky a 'flirtovanie' je len cast 'datingu'). Problemy dlhodobeho vztahu nepokryva.

Co kniha uci:
David DeAngelo sa jedneho dna rozhodol, ze zisti tajomstvo uspechu so zenami. Precital hromady knih, vyzpovedal hordy chlapov a zien a vsetko, o com sa niekde dozvedel, bez hanby osobne vyskusal. Do svojho diela sa mu potom podarilo zhustit informacie 'co' funguje, 'ako' funguje, 'preco' funguje a 'ako sa to naucit'.

Co sa tyka 'teorie', DeAngelo predstavuje niekolko konceptov, ktore osvetluju vztahy muzov a zien.

Prvym - najdolezitejsim je 'Pritazlivost nie je otazkou volby'. Zena (a ani muz) sa nemoze na zaklade vlastnej vole *rozhodnut*, co je pre nu pritazlive a co nie. Urcite kazdy pozna nejaku zenu, ktora chodi (alebo je vydata) s absolutnym hajzlom, ktory ju podvadza, klame, zneuziva a co ja viem co este a pritom nepomoze ziadne dohovaranie od rodiny, priatelov a pod. - ona *vie* ze je to hrozny chlap, ale citi k nemu taku pritazlivost, ze si jednoducho nepomoze... Naopak - ak zene nie je chlap pritazlivy, nepomozu ziadne logicke argumenty, ziadne kupovanie darcekov a vecier a ziadne prejavy 'nekonecnej lasky' - iskra tam takymto sposobom nevznikne.

Dalsim dolezitym konceptom je 'Sexualna ornamentacia' (fakt to neviem lepsie prelozit). Sexualna ornamentacia su prave tie znaky, ktore u druheho pohlavia vyvolavaju pocit pritazlivosti. U pava je to velkost, farebnost a symetria jeho chvosta a napriklad lane vzrusuje mohutnost a rozlozitost parohov. U cloveka sa vyvojom sexualna ornamentacia z vacsej casti preniesla dovnutra (obzvlast u muzov). To znamena, ze zeny v prvom rade pritahuju osobnostne vlastnosti a az potom vonkajsie znaky. Takze zatial co pav s malym chvostom ma jednoducho smolu, chlap moze byt plesaty, nizky ci starsi a napriek tomu mat velky uspech u zien. A co viac - ak nema vnutorne vlastnosti pritazlive zenam, moze sa ich naucit (alebo lepsie povedane 'znovuobjavit', pretoze su hlboko v kazdom z nas)

Nuz a akeze osobnostne vlastnosti su teda pre zenu najpritazlivejsie? To je veru na dlhsie a ja tu nemienim prepisovat celu DeAngelovu knihu.

Co sa tyka praktickej stranky, popisuje DeAngelo urcite 'fazy', alebo momenty, ktore su svojim sposobom kriticke a predstavuju posun vztahu (smerom k sexu ;). Je to 'oslovenie zeny a nadviazanie rozhovoru', 'vypytanie telefonneho cisla', 'telefonat a dohodnutie stretnutia', 'prve stretnutie' atd. atd. Podstatne je, ze kazdy muz ma s niektorou z tychto faz problemy (u mna to napriklad bolo oslovenie cudzej zeny) a DeAngelo predklada sposoby, ako sa s tymito problemami vysporiadat.

Double Your Dating nie je nejaky 'subor tipov pre balenie bab' ale komplexne dielo inteligentneho autora, ktory nad jeho tvorbou stravil niekolko rokov.

Prakticke skusenosti:
Musim uprimne povedat, ze vzdy, ked som bol pre nejaku zenu pritazlivy, bolo to z dovodov, ktore DeAngelo popisal. A naopak - vzdy ked o mna zenska stratila zaujem, bolo to tiez z dovodov, ktore DeAngelo uvadza.
Taktiez je pravdivy aj pribez z hlavicky tohto fora - a bolo to vdaka tejto knihe. Navyse uz osobne poznam 3 takych ludi...
Mne tato kniha v prvom rade dala neuveritelny nahlad do toho, co sa medzi muzom a zenou deje. Ked napriklad jedna kyberanka napisala, ako ju to stve, ze sa nevydrzi pozerat muzovi do oci a na druhu stranu je to pre nu pritazlive ked ten chlap neuhne pohladom, viem presne o co ide ;)
No a v neposlednom rade som sa polepsil v oblastiach, v ktorych som mal medzery...

Double Your Dating PDF
Advanced Audio Series

Odporucam hlavne audio program - pdf kniha je odvar...

Sexual Communication - kompaktnejsie, prehladnejsie a zrozumitelnejsie DeAngelove koncepty a myslienky




0000010100063532011795040119225901286500
stenlis
 stenlis      25.12.2004 - 21:26:04 , level: 1, UP   NEW
The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With
Women... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...

I've been teaching men how to become more successful
with women and dating for a several years now... and
one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND
OVER... and OVER and OVER and OVER again...

...and it's really amazes me.

I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure
Paradox".

"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for
UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels
of success with women and dating.

After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing
it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time,
I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.

I assume that if you've read this far, then you
see probably yourself as smarter than the average
guy.

You know that you're a little different than other
guys.

You probably realized at a young age that you saw
things differently, and thought differently than others
in school...

And you've probably realized that your smart mind
gives you an advantage over others in many areas of
life...

Your smart mind gives you a particular type of
advantage that can be very, very powerful in life:
YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.

Smart people get used to being "right", because
they usually ARE right.

And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you
can get ahead in many situations.

But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can
actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a
key area of life:

WOMEN AND DATING.

By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.

It can actually be like having a hammer when you
need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have
for the job, you'll most likely make the situation
WORSE.

Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE
a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances
for success...

But trust me, this is one of those situations.

So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share
with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with
women... and what to do about it.


REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE
IT OR ADMIT IT.

I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT
in most situations.

And what do most smart guys do when they come across
a situation where they're WRONG?

They find a new situation... one that fits their
strength. They know they'll be right next time, so
they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long
before they're right again.

(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them...
more on that later.)

Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes
to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND
HIDE.

There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner
to make you feel better.

It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row
for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that
something isn't working.

Solution? Think harder.

A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be
good... so he just keeps thinking harder.

But when no success comes, it really starts to
become mentally difficult.

Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing
for a "smart guy".

Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have
NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.

Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following
logical conclusion:

I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE
PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.

Try that on for a self-defeating idea.


REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT.

In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that
a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone
"dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that
comes from an "obviously less intelligent person"
before trying it.

Let me ask you a question:

If you were going to be walking across Africa on
foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy
on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman
who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of
about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions
and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all
his life?

It's an interesting question.

Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who
isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped
from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...

But now let me ask you:

If you'd like to learn how to be more successful
with women and dating, would you take advice from
a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how
to attract women?

There's something about being smart that makes
some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction
from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than
them.

Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular
approach... once it's examined closely.

If you've been making this mistake, then you need
to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open
your eyes.

Look around.

Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach
you how to get what you REALLY want.


REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SILLS.

It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that
just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.

It's as if they have logically reasoned that social
skills are for lower beings who need to play games...
and not worth the time it would take to learn them.

In fact, I believe that there are a lot of smart
guys running around this planet who don't even have
"social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like"
in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take
to be successful with women and dating.

Social skills are just that... SKILLS.

They're not social INFORMATION.

They're not social THEORIES.

They're social SKILLS.

And you don't get them by THINKING about them.
You get them by GETTING them.

Excellent social skills are the foundation for
good communication with other humans... and if you
don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower
your chances for success with women.


REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT.

Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell
out of me...

They come up with all the reasons why everything
WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.

They actually figure out why what they would like
to do will probably fail...

They use their amazing creative imaginations to
imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes...
and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create
negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from
having success with women and dating.

THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.

Now, if you've thought something through and come
up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense
to not do it, right?

I mean, why would you want to do things that are
going to fail?

It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it
comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.

Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and
they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful
with women, they are working with bad figures. They're
wrong before they even start figuring!

Using your mind to come up with all the reasons
why things won't work in this area of your life leads
to ULTIMATE FAILURE.

You must learn to overcome this habit if you have
it.


REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"

What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem...
or he needs to figure something out?

He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the
problem.

MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.

Information is the friend of a smart guy.

Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop
on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.

Don't know how to change the alternator on your
car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page
147.

Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your
dictionary.

MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.

So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming
a problem with women?

They want MORE INFORMATION.

They think the answer lies in learning just ONE
MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.

Well what if there were a situation in life where
the "get more information" strategy actually made
things WORSE?

How would you even know that it was making things
worse?

Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more
about how to be successful with women is a bad thing.
It's not.

But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or
PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories
on it probably isn't going to help you very much.

You need to get out in the real world and try some
stuff!

You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT
of the problem.

When it comes to women and dating, there's a very
good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".

Smart guys often use "more information" to distract
them from TAKING ACTION.

I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".

Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative
way to avoid facing something in your life.

Good, thank you.


REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION.

NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men
who make them THINK.

Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.

So what do most smart guys do when they first meet
a woman?

EXACTLY!

They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.

I'm shaking my head right now...

Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations
and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable...
not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE
FOOT by doing it!

Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will
type the collected works of Shakespeare before you
will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging
her in logical conversation.

When you start a logical conversation with a woman
you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON
SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women"
and putting it on your head.

Typical "logical" conversations include talking
about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing
politics, religion, weather... and anything that has
to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.

On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman
and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it
that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys...
but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then
make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an
EMOTIONAL conversation.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep
reading. You need more help than I thought.


REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE
MOMENT.

Smart people usually have time to THINK about
things.

If you're taking a test, you can sit there and
work out the answers.

If you have a math problem, you can work on it
until you've figured it out.

If you're trying to fix something, you can keep
working on it until it's fixed.

Smart guys are used to being able to take at least
a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their
"good sides" in most situations.

Not so with women...

If you don't know what to do at every step along
the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.

Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it"
radar system.

Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests
that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from
the "don't get its".

And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail
one of these tests VERY quickly.

But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that
you were being tested... OR that you failed.

Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex
EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment...
and especially the "women and dating" kind.

One of they keys to becoming more successful with
women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests
that women throw at you effortlessly.

But before you can learn how to deal with the tests,
you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional
level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental
social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.


REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS
THE "SMART WAY"

OK, let me ask you a trick question:

If I told you that you were going to have a date
with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following
would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:

1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are,
and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".

2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so
you could discuss it with her.

3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you
could take her to dinner... and she could see that
you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.

OK, time's up. Which did you choose?

Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK
question.

The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

But WHY?

These three options all seemed logical, right?

I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with
her favorite flowers?

Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite
places to travel?

Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite
foods so she enjoyed herself?

Go with me here...

Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when
they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers...
and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.

Right?

In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be
the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show
up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's
going to see them and like me more because of it".

Makes sense... good math, right?

Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart"
guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually
take a smart person to think like this!

In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss
a woman's ass.

And guess what?

WOMEN KNOW THIS!

And guess what else?

EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.

An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will
think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful"
approach...

...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it
as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.

Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.


MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT

Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed
to be "right"?

Have you ever met someone who would actually argue
with you about something they knew nothing about...
and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't
shut their "smart mouths"?

Over the last few years helping guys improve their
success with women, I see this one pattern over and
over again...

Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.

They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially
if others are watching.

They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of
themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert"
at whatever they do.

Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner
at this... how do I do it? What should I do first?
What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with
screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of
themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...

...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others
thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up
ultimately FAILING.

MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.


MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS

A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.

His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.

Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.

Totally stopped.

FROZEN.

And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing
with things they're not good at, they just repress
or RUN away from fear.

Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than
admit that they don't know how to deal with their
emotions... or, GOD FORBID, ask for help!

Hey, I went for YEARS like this.

I know what it's like.

But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle
and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he
just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do
it.

If this is you, then do yourself a big favor...
take the time. Take the effort.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you...
it doesn't matter.

What matters is you doing the things that YOU need
to do FOR YOU.

...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had
to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of
years of my life.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on
the planet...

But I don't think mamma raised no fool.

And it always bothered the hell out of me that
even though I was so good at figuring things out,
I couldn't figure WOMEN out.

Something tells me that you know what I'm talking
about.

Well, after beating my head against the wall for
a few years... trying all kinds of crazy "logical"
stuff... I finally got the "bright" idea to start
studying guys who were "naturally" good with women.

Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT
SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same
time.

I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL
WITH WOMEN too.

By carefully studying what the "naturals" did with
women... and learning how they "thought" about the
topic, I began to realize that success with women wasn't
entirely LOGICAL.

Much of what I learned was very tough for me to
accept... because my logical brain just didn't want
to buy into it.

One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from
them... and having the women then chase them in response.

Made no sense at all.

I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes
about them to their faces... and then watched those
women become "little girls" in response... unable to
maintain their composure, and therefore unable to
maintain their manipulative power...

It took me quite a long time, but I continued to
learn, test, and refine what I was learning until
I personally figured out how to approach women in
any situation... get any woman's number I wanted
anytime I wanted... date any type of woman I wanted...

...and most importantly, GET RID of that "empty"
feeling that I carried around my whole life because
I didn't know how to attract women.